V. Penumbra
I will try to be as clear as I can in narrating what happened from here on out. I don't expect what I experienced to be taken as truth, as I myself don't give credit to my battered and worn-out mind; however, with time, I have learned that the spirit expresses itself in a universal language, precise, and, if interpreted correctly, can reveal to us those enigmas of the soul, resident in the world of symbols.
Before me was revealing a solitary and monumental Tower. Its structure was devoured by the shadowy sky, merging together with the shadows of those oppressive clouds, giving it a gloomy and unattainable aspect, as if an abyss had opened up in the heavens, and instead of looking at it in an ascending way, what I was actually doing was a dark journey towards the anguishing abyss of the deeply unknown.
Have you ever felt, in the penumbra of waking up, as if you were someone else, as if another being possessed you?
Somewhat frightened, you try to identify the characteristics of this presence in the visceral entrails of your own self.
The penumbra of the heart, that sensation so desirous of avoiding desolation, emptiness, absence...
Absence of light, but also of darkness. Absence of beginning. Absence of end. The penumbra is the hour of absences. The absence is a void embedded in the horizon of a blurry path from which one cannot escape, for that penumbra is within you.
Somewhat frightened, you try to identify the characteristics of this presence in the visceral entrails of your own self.
The penumbra of the heart, that sensation so desirous of avoiding desolation, emptiness, absence...
Absence of light, but also of darkness. Absence of beginning. Absence of end. The penumbra is the hour of absences. The absence is a void embedded in the horizon of a blurry path from which one cannot escape, for that penumbra is within you.
I didn't understand it then, but I could feel it... this being knew me in the most visceral way; it could protect or destroy me at will; it was my own divinity manifested in its wildest form, and unlike me, it has no fear of traversing the dangerous journey in the darkness through the twisted corridors of my spiritual labyrinth, knowing before I did what needed to be done to free myself from myself, even if it is through violent and unimaginable means.
Because he who cannot bear to confront himself to know himself is unable to deal with his own creations and needs to protect himself from himself.
